La Paradeta

Hands up if you like consuming seafood!!! Hands up if you like consuming seafood by the seaside!!! Yeeeeeah! La Paradeta was a fantastic recommendation from my Barcelona expert brother. As a lover of consuming seafood and particularly of consuming seafood by the seaside, this place sounded right up my street.

It is a a brilliant concept for a restaurant: you go in through the door where an amazing array of fresh seafood is laid out, like at the fishmonger's. You tell the jolly dudes what you want, before going to the bar to get your drinks / bread / sides, then you find yourself a table. Meanwhile your seafood is cooked for you by a team of chefs who call out your table number when each part of your order is ready. GREAT idea.

Unsurprisingly, seeing as Catalan folk seem to love seafood and this is such a great concept for a restaurant, this place is ridiculously popular. We arrived before opening time on Saturday lunchtime to find a small queue had already formed. We were quite grateful of this as we could watch the locals in the queue in front of us to help us work out what we were supposed to do.

Well, this was a super fun dining experience from start to finish. While this could seem like an intimidating place to eat if you don't speak the lingo, it's actually ideal as everyone was getting involved in a bit of pointing, although going armed with a bit of cooking vocab might be of use - I was asked if I wanted my calamares fried or grilled, for example.

Once we had ordered our fish, which was exciting in itself, we got ourselves bread, salad, allioli and a delicious bottle of cava complete with frosted glasses and ice bucket (a treat for me and Bailey to drink cava at lunch!).

Next up we waited for our table number to be called out so we could get our freshly cooked seafood handed over to us through the little serving hatch. Far from being annoying (you'd think having to get up all the time would be), this was most definitely part of the fun. Although things were ready at different times, this was great as you got to eat everything while hot and fresh.

Our first plate was the most delightful calamares me and Bailey have ever had with the perfect amount of crunch, and a massive portion of tiny fried fish. This was perfectly crisp with the lightest tempura-esque batter. When eating little fish, I always think of Mrs Petticoat pretending to be a giant while eating whitebait; well, she'd have had a field day with these teeny-tiny fishies. Both of these were fantastic dipped into the super garlicky allioli.

Next we got octopus and razor clams which were both packed full of flavour, perfectly cooked and served with an amazing garlic oil which was great when mopped up with bread. This was my second razor clams experience, and a much less sandy one at that.

Finally we got a big old plate full of things Bailey doesn't like and I realised my eyes had been bigger than my stomach as here we had 20€ worth of prawns and langostines all for me. Whoops.

They were too amazing to leave behind - plump, rich, meaty, juicy and surely the best crustaceans I've ever eaten. I made a real mess eating these bad boys compared to the little old Catalan man on the table next to me who managed to shell his without making a single bit of mess.

I made quite a big mess for a small lady

Stuffed full of seafood, I declared this to be one of the best lunches I'd ever had. My only niggles? I thought the salad was a bit overpriced at 4€, and I ordered too much but that was down to my own greed.

To give you an idea of how popular La Paradeta is, the doors opened at 1pm and by 1:25, every table in the large restaurant was full, with a queue of punters (staring daggers at anyone who'd finished eating but still had half a bottle of cava to finish off, i.e. us) going all the way to the other side of the street. I loved La Paradeta so much I'd love to think that a place like this could open in Manchester but I just don't know if people would go for it and if the fish could be of the same quality. Therefore, La Paradeta is an absolute must for seafood lovers on holiday and there are several branches in Barcelona to choose from. However, get there early to avoid disappointment!

Rosa Negra

Our first night of our Barcelona adventure didn't quite go as planned. For starters, far from being greeted by the beautiful sunshine we were expecting on arrival, it was so rainy that the Ryan Air pilot said "Welcome to the UK" over the tannoy.

We also hadn't anticipated finding our evening's planned dining destination, Santa Maria, in the same state Manchester Foodies had found it in August - closed with a weird sign spray painted on the shutters. We tried a couple of other eateries from our list but unsurprisingly for half past 11 on a Friday night, they were all chock-a-block.

Now knocking on for midnight, we were just about ready to throw in the towel and head to Maoz when I suddenly remembered the existence of a Mexican joint called Rosa Negra where I'd once eaten a decent enough burrito. Keeping our fingers crossed that it would still be open, we made a beeline up Via Laietana and were very relieved to find it full of people and, most importantly, serving up grub to the hungry punters.

Rosa Negra is a very cool place. There are vintage lamps, bright colours, quirky furniture, flip flops on the wall, beautiful bar staff... Guaranteed if this place was in Manchester, the hipsters would flock there in their droves, and you wouldn't blame them with mojitos and margaritas on sale at 3,50€ a pop.

We were told there would be a 40 minute wait on a table (which seemed crazy to plebian Brits like us... sitting down to eat at almost 1 in the morning?!) but we were more than happy to get a drink at the bar... that was until we realised it was impossible to get anywhere near the bar. The bargain cocktails were such a hit you couldn't get to the bar for people stood around drinking them (and looking cool). No worries, we went off for a drink elsewhere.

On our return our wait was rewarded with one of the best tables in the house - on the balcony overlooking the bar area, allowing us to peer over and see what was going on. We started off with a couple of the 3,50€ margaritas - Bailey went for a strawberry flavoured and I went for passion fruit. These fantastic blended margaritas were smooth and deliciously fruity with a subtle tequila hit. I loved the chilli on the rim of my glass which was a great combo with the passion fruit.

Before we'd even had a chance to slurp up our cocktails, our food arrived in record time. The burritos we'd ordered were both loaded with fillings and the perfect size - just small enough to get in your gob but still gave your jaw a decent work out like a good burrito should.

Bailey's Cochinita was stuffed with tender, pork and had a great texture.

My Gambas con Champiñon was really tasty - it was absolutely full of juicy prawns, although the mushrooms were a bit on the slimy side.

We thought although good burritos, they weren't up to the standard of our Manchester fave Luck, Lust Liquor & Burn - we thought the burritos could have done with a bit more rice and the beans in both were a bit overdone for our tastes.

We also got ourselves a portion of Champiñones con Cebolla Quesadillas which came with a lovely crunchy salsa. The quesadillas were so stuffed full of fillings (including those pesky slimy mushrooms) they looked like tacos and the cheese was flowing out of the sides. They were very tasty and moreish for it and we loved the crunchy salsa that came on the side but were less crisp than traditional quesadillas.

Super content and stuffed full of food, Bailey and I decided to treat ourselves to a nightcap of a bargain mojito. However, once we'd put our order in, our waiter seemed to disappear off the face of the planet and the cocktails were never brought over. Perhaps he was trying to spare us - once we reordered them with a different member of staff, they were, in our opinion, some of the worst cocktails we have ever had. They tasted like slightly minty, slightly limey water with large grains of sugar floating around. This was a real disappointment after two ace margaritas and a good meal.

Apart from the mojito ordeal, we had a fabulous time at Rosa Negra. This is a great spot for a late night snack or a drink in a funky place as part of a night out. However, while this was by no means a bad meal, we preferred the other awesome places we were lucky enough to dine at during our wonderful holiday in Barcelona!

Linen Restaurant

Gambling is a mug's game.  Unfortunately I'm a mug so it's my game, I really do love a good bet! Whether it be the lottery, scratchcards, poker at home or even the odd sweepstake I certainly seem to have a lot of fun losing money. Where I draw the line though is the visiting of casinos. That isn't because I think they are houses of ill repute or that I will fall in to a gambling addiction, it is instead the fear of failing to follow etiquette or otherwise making a fool of myself at the tables.  Leave it up to me to bet at the wrong time, accidentally drop my cards on the floor or spill a drink on the fine green baize.  Jules on the other hand is a seasoned pro in the casinos as while living in Peru they were a good spot to throw a few Sol around and be showered in free drinks and snacks.  As long as you had the Sol, they had the sandwiches and the beer.  It is for my inherent uncoolness that I would never have thought to visit a restaurant based within a casino, luckily I didn't have to think of it because Linen Restaurant decided to invite us in to give their menu a once over.

Encased within the bowels of Manchester 235, a whacking great multi floor casino that makes up part of the Great Northern Warehouse and ideally located just across from the lovely champagne bar Épernay.  We were never really that interested in this side of town but with the recent additions of BrewDog, All Star Lanes, Gorilla and the re-opening of The French it's all become a little more palatable.  Taking that in to account Linen is in a good spot for some pre dinner drinks and entertainment.

Stepping through the doors of casino it wasn't clear which way to go to get to the restaurant but we were quickly assisted by a lovely door chap who pointed us in the right direction.  I'll get this out of the way now and I have to be honest, walking through a casino at 7pm on a Wednesday night is not the most uplifting of experiences.  It felt a little bit like we were entering a Cineworld multiplex cinema except the few people that were around didn't seem to be having as much fun as the teenagers queuing to see the most recent movie featuring an undead love triangle (what is there left? skeleton/mummy/zombie? leprechaun/genie/mermaid?).  Luck was not in the air and we scuttled across the gambling floor and up the stairs to the elevated restaurant.  That said it didn't really impact on our dining experience and I'm sure the atmosphere is a massive positive later in the night.

I'd only heard good things from a couple of other Manchester bloggers but I did read one review before I came along and that particular reviewer had been quite harsh about the decor of the restaurant.  At first glance the ever changing multi coloured illumination of the central pillars and the mineral water that is delivered in giant capsules might come across as a bit naff BUT they are just two elements of what is actually, on the whole, a very classic dining room.  The lighting above the tables is crisp and illuminates the pristine white table cloths arranged with simple tableware and glassware.  The space is uncluttered and the tables nicely spaced to give each table its own island of privacy without being isolated.  There are also the luxurious bottle store and private dining room which can be admired from afar.  I'll say it again, I loved the lighting of this restaurant.

Before getting on to the food the cocktails are worth a mention.  I went for the Manhattan and Jules selected the Bartender's Breakfast.  It took a little while for them to arrive but they were worth the wait.  The Manhattan was pretty good and I happily slurped through mine.  The Bartender's Breakfast was a much more exciting affair featuring gin, Aperol and marmalade as well as being accompanied by a slice of toast.  Jules loved this fruity drink, suited perfectly to her palate as it was on the sweeter side.  The toast remained unused, fearful that it would ruin the drink, until we were goaded into dipping it by the friendly restaurant manager. It should have been dipped earlier as it was a novel and nostalgic treat.  Jules said that it perfectly reminded her of her Nan's home made marmalade on toast without taking anything away from the drink itself.

For starters I kept it nice and simple went for the charcuterie board.  There isn't a great deal to do with a plate of meat and breadsticks and bits and bobs but Linen did everything they possibly could.  It was a treat to look at (despite the fact that one of the breadsticks was broken and pointing right at me, if I had fallen on it my jugular would surely have been pierced, health and safety nightmare) and everything had been provided in the right proportions, the cured meats that had been provided were top notch as was the mozzarella.  A great start!

Jules went for something a little bit more exciting than me, a tuna tartare with aubergine confit, cumin mayo and harissa oil. This sounded like an exciting set of flavours to combine to me and Jules confirmed that I was right, this was an exceptional dish that was really well executed. despite the generous portion size it was still a soft and light plate of food with the cumin mayo being the master stroke. An even better start than mine!

Looking back I've realised that I've been on a bit of a steak binge recently and it occurs to me that it is a great tactic for two reasons.  Firstly a steak is one of those plates of food that is so simple but can tell you so much about the skill and care involved in the cooking as well as the quality of the produce that the restaurant is splashing out on.  Secondly I love steaks.  I went for the 8oz rib eye steak served with a red wine jus, hand cut chips and sauteed spinach.  How did Linen sit in the steak rankings? Pretty good I'd say. Plenty of flavour, nice slab of steak cooked bang on  and quite pretty to look at.  The mushroom and tomato also weren't just there for eye candy, they had a real good meaty flavour of their own going on.

Sadly the sides didn't quite match up to the steak.  The chips were pretty under cooked making them a bit of an effort to eat and while both the jus and spinach were nice to taste the portions they were served in were humongous.  If I had applied even half of the sauce to my steak the plate would have been completely ruined.  It's not often I criticise restaurants for being too generous but in this instance these sides need to made much more dainty to complement the steak.

For the main course Jules had plumped for the crusted filet of hake with smoked tomatoes and borlotti beans with an anchovy and herb butter.  Again Jules was more than happy with her dish.  The fish was very well cooked, the beans were soft and the crust was so significant Jules compared it to a thin layer of bread.  It felt like a very naughty and indulgent fish dish, a nice change as restaurants usually use the fish dish to offer a more 'angelic' item for the menu. Again the sides were a minor disappointment as the potatoes were just as undercooked as the chips.

I probably didn't need to eat a dessert but there is a rich theme of indulgence in the food of Linen so why not indulge a little further.  I was glad I did stretch the bounds of my stomach as the tobago chocolate hazelnut praline tart with cappuccino mousse and nut brittle was the second absolutely outstanding dish of the night.  It looked perfect as it arrived at the table, faultless.  Each element of the dessert was fantastic and delivered bags and bags of flavour without any one flavour dominating.  I absolutely loved this dessert but my favourite thing about it was that although it was rich it certainly wasn't sickly, instead it was moreish and the bitterness of the mousse refreshed your palate.  The one thing I would change on this dessert would be the heavy duty nature of the nut brittle, it was so hefty that I feared for my teeth as I tried to gnaw through it.  If it was reduced in thickness by about 80% to a more dainty brittle wafer rather than the brittle brick then it would be a perfect dessert.

Dessert wise Jules decided on the much lighter vanilla and greek yoghurt panacotta with rhubarb and honey compote topped with a poppy seed tuille.  Jules also loved this.  Labelled as 'one of the best puds in ages' mainly due to its great flavour combination, despite being sweet the overall feeling was that it was a healthy dessert (perhaps a great deception!).

Service was excellent throughout with all members of the floor staff being professional, friendly and confident when talking about the food and drinks on offer. They also had a real knack of appearing at exactly the right time that shows that the manager and the team had a really good understanding of where each diner was up to so they could anticipate their needs.  Obviously we had been invited in so we would expect to be looked after but we absolutely observed the same great service being delivered to all the tables that were in at the same time as us.

Linen is a great restaurant.  The food, the service and the setting have all been carefully put together and the end result is that the work being invested in to the dining experience really shines through.  It feels like a classic restaurant offering classic dishes as well as the odd exceptional dish that deals with a slightly more original combination of flavours but those two categories of food sit well on the menu together, there is no conflict and the menu is well balanced.  Yes there were minor issues with sides and the very odd element of some of the dishes but really we are talking very minor issues and should they be fixed these plates of food are all going to be of the same standard as the stand out plates we have highlighted.  We will be coming back to Linen but this time we are going to make sure we get involved in the casino action.  Where Linen was probably built to encourage gamblers to eat, instead I find it more likely that Linen will encourage eaters to gamble.  No mean feat.

The Milestone

I'm not sure how I feel about Gordon Ramsay and that's probably because he has become the most heinous of all pantomime monsters paraded around on reality shows that couldn't be further from reality.  As far as TV chefs go they don't come more 'TV' or less 'chef' than Gordon.  Some people say that Jamie Oliver should wear that particular label, they also say he is 'just a cook', 'a one pot wonder' and needing to 'lose a few pounds' but I tell you what I owe Jamie Oliver quite a lot.  You can say what you want about Jamie but he knows how to write a good cook book that is accessible to your average home cook.  'Jamie's Italy' is a book that should be on everybody's book shelf, some of the best home cooked meals I've ever cooked or eaten at my table have come out of this book and as a result of those early successes we've gone on to cook more and more.  So I owe Jamie quite a bit but what do I owe Gordon?  Well Gordon owes me quite a few hours of my life back as I've watched more than my fair share of Hell's Kitchens and Kitchen Nightmares with few highlights.  The one thing I owe Gordon though is that he named a restaurant in my previous home of Sheffield as Ramsay's Best Restaurant in 2010 and that restaurant was The Milestone.

Now we had already visited The Milestone's sister restaurant The Wig & Pen last year and we were absolutely blown away.  Food, environment and service were pretty much flawless and it was up there with my favourite meals of all time but before then I had seen the food produced under Ramsay's watchful eye on the small screen.  The food put together by The Milestone's chefs looked brilliant and it sounded like a proper Sheffield restaurant using the best of local produce to produce distinctly northern dishes.  At the same time I was just happy to hear that Sheffield had a good restaurant but sadly as I had just moved away from Sheffield to sunny Manchester I failed to give it a go until this last Easter Sunday.  Expectations were high.

Location wise it's just outside of the city centre in the old red light district.  This isn't as bad as it sounds as the area has certainly gone up market in recent years and actually the best boozers are to be found not on the  friendly streets of West Street or even the almost trendy paving slabs of Division Street.  No they are found off the beat and path and just round the corner from The Milestone is The Fat Cat, widely regarded as one of Sheffield's finest ale houses mainly as it sits in the shadow of Kelham Island Brewery.  Both should be combined with a visit to the Milestone if you have time.

Easter Sunday was always going to be busy but even I was a little taken aback by the low level of rowdiness on the afternoon we visited.  It seemed not only were the people of Sheffield using The Milestone as a venue for a lovely Easter tea but also as a launching pad for a pub crawl, a wise choice in both scenarios really and this was not to say it was unpleasant, it gave it a real buzz.  The inside of the restaurant is really nice with plenty of natural light, a simple collection of wooden furniture (with not too many tables crammed in for once!) and a well stocked bar in the corner.  A really nice versatile place that suits having a sit down dinner, a light lunch or even a beer and some nuts.

Menus were promptly delivered to our table and like The Wig & Pen I really like the fact that their menu is printed on rough recycled paper, as they use locally sourced produce their menu does change quite a lot on a regular basis.  A good thing in my book.  Again like The Wig & Pen they have a great deal on the menu which is two courses for £14 and three courses for £16.50, I don't think there are many decent restaurants that can offer this kind of value in Manchester, if there are please let me know!

For starters I went for Yorkshire field mushroom macaroni cheese with truffle, chives and rocket leaves.  Macaroni cheese is my weakness, there are very few more satisfying dishes than mac n cheese and when done as a starter you can pack some real flavour in to it to get the mouth going.  On this occasion the dish should have been called Yorkshire field mushroom macaroni with truffle, chives and rocket leaves.  There was very little cheese to be found or cheese flavour.  Now that should be a killer for me right there, I should have pushed it off the edge of the table, kicked my chair over and walked out but I did not.  I stayed and I ate my pasta starter.  It was lovely.  Really nice.  The mushrooms were the real stand out flavour and they tasted as if they had only left the comfort of the earth just moments before being cast in the pan with the pasta, so very very fresh.  Chives and rocket are normally non events for me but again they were stand out flavours in this dish, adding to the freshness of the plate.  The pasta was also nicely cooked.  Probably a misleading name for a dish which could lead to some people being disappointed BUT ultimately it was bloody lovely and light .

Jules went for the salad of pickled Northumbrian heritage beats, goats cheese and truffle with pickled walnuts.  It was a winner.  Fresh and light were the key words again, the beets that you may have presumed would be at the centre of the dish were more subtle than that.  The only criticism would be that the pickled walnuts didn't really have the whizz bang flavour of something that had been through the pickling process, they just tasted like walnuts.  Aida chose to go with the Milestone black pudding fritter, pickled Northumbrian heritage beetroots, chorizo, lemon mayonnaise, confit garlic and breakfast radish.  In hindsight this is the starter I should have been going with if I wanted a hefty starter, the slab of black pudding it arrived with could not have been mistaken for anything but the main event of that dish and I was lucky enough to get a taste, it packed a punch of flavour with a lovely texture inside and out.  All of the starters were a real treat to look at it, lovely presentation but not overly organised.  Natural.

Being a Sunday meant that the menu was dominated by three roast meat dishes.  Of course I don't mind a menu being dominated by something I love, in fact I am absolutely for domination when this is the case but some people may feel it leaves little room for some of the more interesting dishes you might expect.  In this case the other two options were fish of the day and the main portion of the almost cheeseless macaroni cheese.

I went for the braised shin of beef with the standard roast veg and obligatory Yorkshire pud.  When I order a Sunday roast what I want is a lovely bit of meat with a bang on Yorkshire pudding, great roast vegetables and a gravy that can be drunk by the pint.  I also want all of these elements in decent portions.  If I feel like any of them are not up to scratch or I've been short changed on portions then I will quickly slip in to a coma of sadness as my hopes of a good roast are dashed.  I was in luck here.  All elements of the roast were bang on and in decent portions.  The beef shin was particularly good and not something I normally go for.  It managed to be delicate and rich and satisfying all at the same time.  Like any good hunk of meat I was sad to see it go.

Jules and Aida both went for fish of the day (coley) with carrot puree sauteed new potatoes and spinach.  It was a very simple dish but a real winner.  The fish cooked really nicely and the carrot was full of flavour.  Looked really good to me!

Probably a good place to mention that they've got a couple of good beers behind the bar including one from the soon to be world dominating BrewDog Brewery so if you don't have chance to visit any of the other local pubs you won't be hard done by.  On top of that the staff knew what they were talking about when it came to choosing a beer, a rare and welcome bit of service in a restaurant.  One gent who delivered some food went out of his way to ask about the Chimay I was sipping, lovely stuff.

I skipped dessert myself but Jules and Aida shared the tasting of new season forced Yorkshire rhubarb.  Now then this was a really impressive dish that didn't give anything away with its description.  It looked absolutely stunning as you can see from the picture below.  Made up of a rhubarb mousse topped with a rhubarb jelly accompanied by a rhubarb ice cream sat on top of an oaty collection of biscuit crumbs.  It was one of those desserts where you needed to get every bit of it on a fork and when you did it was sublime, this plate of food was a flash of brilliance in a meal of very good dishes.  In a way this was the big butch brother of the rhubarb dessert we had at L'Enclume just a few months ago, it used almost the same flavour combinations just in a different guise and obviously leant more to The Milestone's clientele.  It was brilliant apart from the very obvious issue that the jelly was way too firm, I laughed out loud as Jules attempted to take her first fork of the jelly/mousse stack and the jelly refused to break.  The mousse was smushed in half.  Smushed is a very technical word if you were wondering.  Once the jelly was defeated it was absolutely fantastic.

I really really enjoyed my meal at The Milestone but I couldn't help feeling just a little bit disappointed.  The food had been great, the service was super friendly and professional and I really liked the feel of the place so why did I feel disappointed when I compared it to the what should be its fledgling sister restaurant The Wig & Pen?

First of all there were some basic problems with the restaurant environment that might sound petty but actually show a lack of attention to detail that stops The Milestone from being as near as perfect like The Wig & Pen.  For starters in my eye line from my seat I could see two things that weren't particularly great, both associated with the bar.  One was the fact that straight in front of me somebody had left out a whacking great pile of paperwork and folders on the table opposite the bar.  Not many people would be able to see this but I just thought why on earth would you leave those out?  How long would it have taken to just grab those papers before service started and stick them in a back room or behind the bar.  At the other end of the bar was the dumping ground for dirty glasses, of which there were many.  They just never seemed to be dealt with and again this was at my eye level so I didn't have much else to look at apart from the perilously stacked dirty glasses, the bar and an extensive amount of paperwork.  I am glad I was not the gent sat at the table just inches from these dirty glasses as I have no doubt I would have had to ask to move or left the restaurant very unhappy.  Again it makes me think why wasn't another person stuck on the bar on what was always going to be a fully booked Easter Sunday?

Not normally something worth mentioning but the toilets were in a real state.  In my humble opinion they hadn't been cleaned in some time, there was a build of dirt and hair and basically it wasn't a nice experience to have to use them.  I am not a man who is easily put off by a mucky toilet having used toilets in less developed countries than our own and living in student houses which again are less developed than your average household.  The rest of the restaurant was absolutely gleaming including the ladies toilet and the kitchen which is fully visible when you walk upstairs so it just looked like somebody had missed it.  Like I said all of that might sound petty but think of it this way if you were having guests over to your house for dinner would you leave all your tax returns out on the sideboard next to the dining table?  Would you pick their glass up from the table and just shove it on the windowsill in front of them without cleaning it for the rest of the meal?  Would you go to the effort of giving the loo a once over?

That said they are just niggles which took the shine off what was a great meal, they were frustrations more than anything.  They won't be stopping me going back I can tell you that much.  I am very happy that The Milestone have not rested on their laurels since their big TV win of 2010, I know quite a few Sheffield people who regularly visit and so I already know that they are consistently good.  If the buzz on the day we visited was anything to go by The Milestone is a perfect counterpart to the more relaxed feeling of the Wig & Pen and because of that I know it's going to be a stopping point the next time I'm out and about in Sheffield visiting the ale houses.

Incidentally it was Gordon Ramsay that said Jamie Oliver is 'just a cook', 'a one pot wonder' and needs to 'lose a few pounds'.

SMOAK

Tradition is a wonderful thing and the old traditions are the best.  The groom carrying the bride over the threshold, the regular coming together of families for Sunday lunch in the home, leaving cookies out for the ever peckish St Nicholas, the hiding of Easter eggs in not too hard to find locations and the spending of millions of pounds of taxpayers' money to bury a Prime Minister who systematically destroyed the North of England.  I love traditions, I really do and that's why I always like to try and come up with new ones.  That said they always seem to fizzle out, it's a whole heap of work to keep a tradition alive but I think I've finally found one that's going to stick.  PAY DAY STEAK DAY.  It's all there in the name really, every pay day I along with some close buddies will splash out on top quality slab of steak along with a nice ale or wine to celebrate the coffers being temporarily refreshed.  Last month we visited Bem Brasil and it was then we decided we should initiate this tradition.  Where to go next though?  Luckily the gods were smiling on us as perennial Manchester critic Gordo had supplied us with a hand 'to do' list in the shape of this article.  On the basis of the photo included in the article of the wing rib and some other Twitter recommendations as well as good old dose of curiosity we went for SMOAK.  Firstly apologies for the lack of images, all photos were kindly supplied by somebody who managed to bring a device capable of taking photos.  I'm really sorry but you're going to have to read a lot of words without many pictures.

Before I get to the restaurant itself it might be worth a mention that SMOAK have a pretty bad website that struggles to convey anything but the most basic information and even that is plastered randomly across the site.  Stick on top of this the welcoming image of a man on fire on the home page and it's all very odd.  That said their table booking system did the job and they have some very impressive photos of the produce and the bar hidden away on the site.  It's also not going to have an impact on your dining experience, I only brought it up so I could look at that picture of the smoldering bloke as it still makes me laugh every time.

Location wise it is in a weird zone, a place I never spend any time and if I ever find myself there I'm always trying to get out of there as soon as possible... the walk to Piccadilly Station.  Across the road from Michael Caines' Abode and tucked below the boutique hotel Malmaison you will find SMOAK.  Walking through the doors you are greeted with a delightful large bar and what looked like a wonderful collection of comfy but classy bar chairs, it seemed like a lovely warm, relaxing environment to knock back an old fashioned or two.  I didn't get to try them myself as we collected our chums from said bar and we were taken to our table in the dining area.

The dining area was different.  The table was made of a giant cog and a sheet of thick safety glass.  The curtains were made of old hessian sacks and big ropes.  I could see industrial strength chains hanging here and there.  There were some booths that appeared to carry through the cosy nature of the bar but we didn't get one of those.  It was cold and unwelcoming BUT we were a group of young (ish) gentlemen here to sample the meat on offer so we actually really enjoyed getting the closest seats to the open meat locker and the Josper oven/grill.  There was a great deal of excitement as we sat perusing our menus and straining to see the specials board (where they keep all the good stuff) and waiting for our first drinks order.  It took a while but our waitress did appear and take our order.  We waited for our drinks to arrive.  It took a while.  At this point I should say the restaurant was not very busy.

As we had been lured here by the digital image so good you could taste it of the wing rib two of my colleagues in the steak eating business ordered the item from the specials board.  Please don't be put off by the lack of steaks on the menu on the cack website, the number of steaks are doubled when you take in to account the specials board which has the much more exciting cuts.  I had plumped for the rump steak.  Not the piffling 250 gram normal menu item but the 400 gram specials board version.  Alongside this we ordered a bunch of sides of fries, chips and sauces.  The ordering process was more complicated than it should have been, our waitress although absolutely lovely seemed to lack some pretty basic waitress skills and had we not double checked our order ourselves I would have received ribs instead of steak.

We sat and drank and chatted and watched a stream of amazing looking food go past us and not before too long our food arrived.  The wing rib, as predicted, drew an 'oooooooh' from the table as it landed.  Two more steaks hit the deck as well as one or two sides.  Myself and one of my friends were both missing our fries.  'No sweat, I'm sure they'll be out in two seconds' I thought so I sat back and waited, I really didn't want to start my steak, which looked absolutely amazing, without some sort of crunchy texture to go along with it.  The boys started dishing up their wing rib, there were debates over who would get what chunk of steak, I'm glad in the UK we are not allowed to carry weapons as I feared it could spill in to violence at any moment.  The expected flash of uber violence didn't appear and neither did our sides.

We got a waiter's attention and alerted him to the issue to which we received a 'no problem, I'll see what I can do'.  He was gone before I could tell him that I would expect a hot bowl of chips delivered soon rather than just an appraisal of his ability to deliver said fried potato.  I could hold back no longer so I tucked in to my steak.  I'm not going to talk too much about the flavour of the steak simply because it is hard to put in to words how good this steak was.  It seems everybody has different standards for what makes a good steak, this delivered on every level.  Every steak on the table was cooked to perfection and delivered to the 'cog' searing hot.  Visually they were beautiful with bang on sizzle marks and colour outside and in.  For me the difference between a good and a bad rump steak is in the fat, a bad rump steak and you are going to be avoiding the fat, a good rump steak and the fat should be the best bit and it certainly was here.  The fat was a precious commodity that I tried to distribute between each forkful.  NOW WHERE ARE MY FRIES?  Sadly the fries did not appear, despite two more chases, until I was half way through my steak.  An unforgivable tragedy like no other, when they did arrive though they brought that final missing crispy texture that is the ideal partner to a great slice of steak.  When all the elements were in place I can safely say that this was the best steak I have ever eaten.  On the side of the steak were portabello mushrooms and bone marrow which were both divine in their own right.

You may have got the message that the service is not quite up to scratch.  There was one more strange phenomenon that needs to be pointed out.  Every member of floor staff that delivered a plate or beverage to the table had a complete lack of ability to place it in front of (or even in the close vicinity of) the person who ordered it.  At first a minor annoyance, it became a puzzling annoyance and ended up a humorous annoyance.  I'm not sure what the issue was, when the description of the items were announced we would dutifully indicate who they belonged to at which point we were willfully ignored.  Perhaps the staff have metal plates in their arms and the gigantic cog table is magnetic meaning their limbs are pulled table-wards the second they approach.  That is the only explanation I have.

Steaks dealt with and fries removed from bill we were on to dessert and I attempted to expand the PAY DAY STEAK DAY tradition to include a whisky in place of dessert.  One companion complied but two other rebels refused and ordered sugary sweet desserts.  I told you these tradition things are hard to get going, too much free choice and not enough mindless duty bound decisions in my mind.  Predictably the whiskies took ages to deliver and had to be chased twice but the desserts arrived pretty quickly.  The crème brûlée delivered was a wide beast offering maximum caramel, I am assured it was a winner.  The other dessert was from the specials board and came in the shape of a home made snickers bar accompanied by a blob of more creamy than cream ice cream.  It looked like the kind of dessert that makes you wonder if your friendship could survive a snatch and grab attack.  Again I was assured it was top notch.

If you visit SMOAK there are a list of things that you will probably experience.  You will probably be disappointed with sub par service, you will probably not enjoy the decor, you will definitely have to reach across the table to retrieve your drinks/food, you will be unimpressed by their weird website BUT you will almost certainly get to eat one of the best steaks in Manchester which absolutely makes it worth the trip.  SMOAK have put me in a bind, the tradition is that we go on pay day to eat a steak in a new restaurant every month.  I already want to change my own tradition so that I can go back to SMOAK every month.